Chopper Pocket
What do you think of this peace of writing?
To pass the time until the chopper arrived, Ryan took a cigarette and a lighter from one of his pockets and lit up. After taking a few puffs, he reached into another pocket and pulled out a faded, worn-out picture. There, frozen in time, was the most beautiful girl Ryan had ever seen; his five-year-old daughter.
Caitlin truly looked like an angel in her white dress as she smiled up at the camera in church. She held a woven basket in one hand and a fistful of rose pedals in the other. Her hair flowed gracefully over her shoulders. Her bright blue eyes penetrated Ryan’s very soul.
Caitlin and her mother, Bethany, were Ryan’s purpose for joining the Army. It was all to protect his wife and daughter. He would fight and die to keep his family safe. And he would be damned if he allowed some inhuman bastard do them any harm!
Good.
Yet, I would say it differs in some qualities from what we see in the best and more popular published novels.
What qualities?
Have you read and re-read any given novel that tells a story similar to what you are writing here?
If you haven’t, I recommend that you find a popular, well-respected novel similar to your story,and read and re-read it and study it. Memorized some of its sentences and paragraphs and recite them to yourself from time to time throughout the day.
Why?
Here’s why. When you are a novice writer, it is my view that you must start out imitating in certain ways the Masters who’ve come before you. Originality in your writing comes after you’ve mastered following the general model of the great writers who’ve preceded you.
If you try to be original from the beginning, you usually won’t be original at all, and won’t be quite good enough either.
Was that the kind of answer you were looking for? I hope so.
Your piece of writing above is good. But, it is lacking too, in certain things.
I think you need to read more stories like your story, one’s written by the very best writers out there. Then I think you’ll see what to do to make your story absolutely top notch, if that is your goal.
This is the pattern that Shakespeare followed. His early plays were very imitative of the plays of earlier playwrights. Only later did he create original works.
Best wishes.
mini chopper pocket bike 70cc
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Dudley Kebow Mini Salt & Pepper Mill, Set of 4 $14.99 These 2-1/4-inch-high, clear acrylic salt and pepper mills are more than just cute. They grind peppercorns and sea-salt crystals, contributing fresh, clean flavors to food. The set includes two of each kind of mill so that both ends of a dining table can be served equally. All four mills adjust with a turn of their chrome top knobs for a fine or coarse grind, and all come filled with either pepper… |
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Biker Blok 4 oz. Sunscreen Spray SPF 45 $13.95 Biker Blok 4 oz. Sunscreen Spray SPF 45. New Biker Blok SPF 45 Sunscreen Spray by Arizona Sun. Broad Spectrum UVA/UVB Protection. Oil Free/Water Resistant. Non-greasy. PABA Free sunscreen. New clear, no mess spray provides quick and even coverage, and is blended with cacti and sun protect-ants. Dries in seconds. SPF 45 promises a greater barrier against a broad spectrum of UVA/UVB rays, that cause… |
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Pill Cutter / Pill Splitter / Medicine Tablet cutter blade. Cut pills dosage with ease and accuracy! Chop pills and tablets of all shapes and sizes! Varied Colors. Cuts pills and tablets of all shapes and sizes with ease and accuracy Varied Colors…. |
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200 Games on the Go for the Pocket PC $29.95 200 Games on the Go for the Pocket PC delivers a robust suite of action, adventure, strategy, sports, and more game genres to your Pocket PC handheld. Play games like Chopper Alley, Martians, T-Force Platoon, Sabotage, Cyberman, along with classics like Tetris and Battleship. Choose from sports favorites like golf, soccer, and basketball. This fun and challenging collection contains freeware, shar… |
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High Limb CS-48 Rope-and-Chain Saw $42.25 No more balancing acts! No more expensive tree service bills! Just toss This Rope Saw’s safety weight over the branch you want to cut, then pull the 25ft. polypropylene ropes. Carbon steel blades can be sharpened. U.S.A. Chain Length (in.): 48, Rope Length (ft.): 25, Cutting Thickness (in.): 8, Blade Material: Carbon steel… |
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Secret Service Bodyguard Hidden Boot Knife w/ Harness Sheath $12.99 Constructed with a double edge 4 3/4″ stainless steel blade and a solid rubber handle for a firm grip. Includes a nylon sheath with harness. 9″ overall…. |
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Chopper Pocket Knife – Style 12865 $4.85 Motorcycle fans, this knife’s for you! Bold styling features sleek “chopper” figural handle and a gleaming blade etched with a racetrack design for a look no bona-fide biker can resist. Weight 0.1 lb. Stainless steel and zinc alloy. 4 3/4″ x 1/2″ x 1 1/2″ high; 8 1/4″ long when opened…. |
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24v, 1.5Amp Razor Scooter Battery Charger with 3 Prong Inline $8.25 Output24V, DC 1.5 Amp,4 to 6 hour charging time.Brand New Scooter battery charger for RAZOR: RAZOR E500 S Electric Scooter RAZOR MX350 Dirt Rocket Electric RAZOR E300 Electric Scooter RAZOR Mini Chopper RAZOR Rebellion Electric Chopper RAZOR Dirt Quad Electric ATV RAZOR E200 Electric Scooter RAZOR PR200 Pocket Rocket RAZOR Ground Force Electric Go-Kart RAZOR Pocket Mod Electric Scooter RAZOR E100 … |
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24V 1.5A Female Inline Scooter Battery Charger For RAZOR E500 E300 E200 PR200 E125 E100 MX350 $13.99 Fit Models: RAZOR E500 S Electric ScooterRAZOR MX350 Dirt Rocket ElectricRAZOR E300 Electric ScooterRAZOR Mini ChopperRAZOR Rebellion Electric ChopperRAZOR Dirt Quad Electric ATVRAZOR E200 Electric ScooterRAZOR PR200 Pocket RocketRAZOR Ground Force Electric Go-KartRAZOR Pocket Mod Electric ScooterRAZOR E100 ElectricRAZOR E125 Electric Also work with other models: Boreem Jia 601-S (250 watt version… |
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Razor 3.00-4 Inner Tube (e300/Pocket Rocket/Chopper) $6.99 The Razor replacement 3.00-4 inner tube is for the Razor e300/Pocket Rocket/Mini Chopper. More specifically, the 3.00-4 Inner Tube fits ONLY these Razor products/wheels: * Razor e300, e325 and e300 S Electric Scooter (Version 1+) – front and rear wheels * Razor Pocket Rocket (Version 1+) – front and rear wheels * Razor Mini Chopper (Version 1+) – REAR wheel ONLY – not Compatible with the Razor Reb… |